Online Exclusive | A modest proposal

I would like to begin by thanking Joe Columbus for his opinion piece in last week's Bulletin. In his piece, Mr. Columbus argues that "The Vagina Monologues" should not be allowed on campus.

He ended his piece by stating, "To the students of Gonzaga, I say: If the above reflections have struck a chord of agreement within your hearts and minds, then stand up and make your voices heard. Contribute to the debate and articulate your own reasons for saying that the Monologues do not belong on Gonzaga's campus."

Well, consider the chord within my heart and mind duly struck. In fact, I now recognize that we have pursued much too small of a focus in our banning of "The Vagina Monologues."

Therefore, allow me to make a modest proposal. With "The Vagina Monologues" removed from campus, let our administration take a more active stance against those other similar blights to our mission – the blights whose presence it is impossible to reconcile with a community founded in our humanistic, Catholic, and Jesuit values. In particular, the following list presents some of the worst offenders antithetical to our humanistic, Catholic and Jesuit teachings:

The Grind: Yes, The Grind was canceled last year. However, there are other dances held on campus that are equally guilty. There are also rumors of another Knights-planned dance – perhaps it could be called "The Dance Formally Known as The Grind." It seems necessary to remove these annual dances if we intend to clean up those dangers threatening the mission of our university. Even the title of The Grind reveals the nature of these beasts. While "The Vagina Monologues" focuses on a certain anatomical part, these dances focus on two anatomical parts and the rhythmic, tactile friction between them. The hedonistic attitude toward sexuality at these dances is far out of line with the teachings put forth in our university's mission. I propose that we ban this dance henceforth, lest one of our administrators be put in the awkward position of explaining how a clothed orgy is in any way compatible with our humanistic, Catholic, and Jesuit teachings.

Questionable Curricula: The different works, authors, and ideas being presented to students also pose a challenge to the mission of the university. In nearly every humanities course I've seen, I have come across objectionable material that fails to further our humanistic, Catholic, and Jesuit teachings. For example, I have been presented with the works of Friedrich Nietzsche in three of my philosophy courses. Nietzsche, an unrepentant atheist who claimed, "God is dead," is also the author of a work titled "The Antichrist." I have yet been able to see how Nietzsche furthers the Catholic and Jesuit teachings of our university. However, the blame lies not only with the philosophy department – from English to sociology to religious studies, no department should be without guilt. There are courses from many departments that ought to be scrapped; there are perhaps a few departments that should be closed altogether. It is very dangerous to allow our students to engage in these ideas, which might undermine our moral ideology. We should therefore do away with this conflict altogether.

Drinking: I do not mean to imply that our university has been without success; drinking is a problem that our University has handled particularly well. Just as it is unfortunately not within the capacity of the university to stop all productions of "The Vagina Monologues," neither is the university able to end completely the problem of binge drinking, enthusiastically supported by Gonzaga-approved sports and service clubs. Still, the university has been able to force students' drinking, like the play, off Gonzaga's campus. Since the drinking does not occur on campus, it is unable to negate our University's mission statement. That the problem of drinking (and the safety issues entailed with drinking) occurs off school property takes the weight of responsibility off of the shoulders of the administration.

The actions of the Board of Trustees last year revealed not only that we are able to fight back against those things contrary to our school's mission, but also that, I believe, we are morally obligated to continue this struggle until we have eradicated these remaining toxic influences within our University. The few things I have mentioned are but the tip of the iceberg of sin and degradation threatening the spiritual flourishing of the Gonzaga community. Having taken on the Monologues, it only follows that we are obligated to challenge these other blights. To do otherwise would be the height of hypocrisy. It is time that Gonzaga heals itself of these diseases. Though such a purge might leave the University outwardly sallow and gaunt, we can take comfort in knowing that the school will be fully in line with its commitment to our humanistic, Catholic, and Jesuit values.