No shave? No problem

I was being productive in Crosby the other day when I noticed that the table full of bros next to me was examining each other's upper lips and groping their own cheeks. After a look of uncertainty and a few seconds of contemplation, I realized that the most dreaded month for all Gonzaga girls is upon us: No-Shave November.

This is the time when guys attempt to show off their manhood and girls become frustrated on multiple levels. Every year during No-Shave November, the tension between males and females skyrockets. While guys are admiring their "manly" stubble, girls are looking at them with utter disgust. In fact, girls become so disgusted they start thinking of "clever" ways to get back at their guy. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard girls proclaim that they will also participate in No-Shave November; if their guy isn't shaving, they aren't either. There are two major problems with this bold proclamation. First, I doubt you last three days, your armpits are going to itch. Second, I don't care who you are, that doesn't help anyone's situation. 

Don't get me wrong, I am all for getting even, but let's get a little more creative. No matter what you say, most guys are inevitably going to attempt to grow out their beards, staches, chops, and neards (neck beards) during November. So here is my theory: Learn to appreciate No-Shave November. Here are some ideas that might help you survive this month:

Some guys look hot with stubble …

I don't mean to be blunt, but let's face it, there is a small population of Gonzaga males who actually benefit from No-Shave November. Why would you want to get in the way of this? Don't be a cock block, let these guys rock the facial hair.

So he can't pull off the beard …

What about a mean mustache? I realize that mustaches are never attractive, but if a guy can pull off a Tom Selleck, Hulk Hogan, or even a Salvador Dalí, there is nothing to do but be impressed.

He has absolutely nothing going for him in the facial hair department …

So maybe your guy's beard is more scarce than the Gonzaga party scene this year. And perhaps he has a few random long hairs growing out of his Adam's apple. Although you are immediately repulsed, I challenge you to find the humor in the situation. For example, he has probably added five minutes to his morning routine because he has developed the habit of staring at himself in the mirror every day searching for new growth. When he does find a new patch of peach fuzz, he is more giddy than a 13-year-old girl sitting front row at a Justin Bieber concert. What isn't funny about that?

At this point, you are all probably thinking, "Wow, these are absolutely brilliant ideas! But what is really in it for me?" This is where the true genius comes into play. If we give the male sex a complaint-free month as they let themselves turn into a Randy Johnson, Zach Galifianakis or Brad Pitt (during his hippy Colonel Sanders stage), then there is no doubt that we deserve our own month. 

Here is my proposal: Sweatpants September. I don't know about you, but I love to wear a nice pair of sweats more than the Women's and Gender Studies students love to bash The Bulletin Opinion editors. Imagine a whole month where it is socially acceptable for all girls to wear their most comfortable pair of baggy sweatpants on a daily basis. Thirty days where comfort means a fresh pair of men's XL velour sweats as opposed to the usual yoga pants or leggings. Girls all over campus will be competing to see who can rock the biggest and baggiest pair of sweats.

I know this sounds too good to be true, but if we actually encourage and enable dudes to participate in No-Shave November, then they have no choice but to accept and appreciate Sweatpants September. So next time you see a table full of bros admiring all their hard work, don't look at them with disgust; instead, give them a look of encouragement and tell them that their Ryan Gosling scruff is coming in quite nicely.