Turn to Twitter ... #SportsReporterSwagg

I've been saying for years now that if you can't say what you have to say in less than 140 characters, then there is really no reason to say it at all. So, obviously I was more excited than a cellphone-wielding 11-year-old girl when I found out about the existence of Twitter.

Twitter is especially amazing in the world of sports journalism, because, frankly, 80 percent of sports interviews are completely useless. Players are taught to tell reporters absolutely nothing, and most postgame interviews are done in the locker room. Most normal, well-adjusted people aren't going to want to stop and candidly chat for an elongated period of time when they are fresh out of the shower and want nothing more than to go home and relax.

But, thanks to Twitter, fans get an actual insider's look at the lives of athletes, because so many athletes don't know when to stop running their mouths — or in this case, thumbs — when there is no camera or microphone in front of them. Even Nyjer Morgan — the same guy who has an alter ego "gentleman's name" of Tony Plush — can sound regular and rational in a postgame interview.  Just compare his reactions to his on-field spat with the Cardinals earlier this month and tell me which you would rather rely on for your information:

"It's just one of those things, the competitiveness coming out in both teams," Morgan told the Milwaukee Sentinel. "[Carpenter] was battling and I was battling. He felt he had to say something. If he feels he has to say something, let him say it."

Yawn. Is he done talking to that old, creepy journalist yet? He is? Good, let's get to what he said on his Twitter account (@TheRealTPlush) about the Cardinals and how he felt about Albert Pujols walking toward him during his on-field tirade aimed at pitcher Chris Carpenter:

"Where still n 1st and I hope those crying birds injoy watching tha Crew in tha Playoffs!!! Aaaaahhhhh!!!"

"Alberta couldn't see Plush if she had her gloves on!!! Wat was she thinking running afta Plush!!! She never been n tha ring!!!"

Now we're talking! AHHHHH!!! Man, I'm excited now.

As you can see, Twitter is a far more engaging form of media. So, for those of you who are holding out on getting a Twitter like your grandma is holding out on buying a cordless phone, here are a few great reasons why you should join the Twitt-volution.

Some players are legitimately funny — or try to be at least: Former NBA player Rex Chapman dropped nine tweets over two days with moderately-to-not-at-all-funny puns and one-liners about Glen Rice and Sarah Palin. (We get it, Rex, there are a lot of sports terms that can be double-entendres.)

Also, Gilbert Arenas, in true Agent Zero fashion, was one of the funniest, most brutal tweeters of all time. He even used a blind date as the perfect time to hold his own personal roast of some poor, unsuspecting girl. Unfortunately, Arenas has deleted his Twitter account, probably due to the fines he was sure to receive had he kept it going.

Athletes are extremely spiritual and they want you to know: Most athletes thank God at least once a week in the Twittiverse, and that's great. But what's even better is when athletes air out their frustrations with the Man Above via Twitter. Like when Buffalo Bill Stevie Johnson wondered where He was when Johnson dropped a potential game-winning pass at the end of the last NFL season: "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS IS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…"

Some players are more intellectual than you think: For instance, Arizona Cardinals lineman Darnell Dockett tweeted "This lady heard my PEE'N in the bathroom and said ‘That was loud I thought a horse was in there.' I said ‘sh*t it was', and winked at her!" Before I read this tweet, I thought Dockett was just another big, slow defensive tackle. But, after I read that gem, I now know that he is actually the Oscar Wilde of our generation. You don't find wit like that anywhere, people.

Athletes are eager to share with their Twitter "friends":  Nate Robinson regularly complains about his relationship problems, Kevin Durant once said that fellas "should stop being nice to these females, because they are feeling themselves… A LOT!" And Metta World Peace — or the artist formally known as Ron Artest — finally has an outlet to share all of his incoherent thoughts.

My advice to you: Step into the Twitter world and bask in its vapid, shallow existence, but please, save us from your toilet stories and scantily-clad photos, because I'll only have one response for you — HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? THX THO...

Make sure you follow The Bulletin on Twitter @GonzagaBulletin. 

Also follow Columnist Jake Palmer @jpalm32, Editor-in-Chief David Gentile @SpoCal10 and A&E Editor Nick Merchant @nickmrchnt.