Tony:
There are many reasons why marriage is a bad idea.
The first and most obvious of these reasons is money. While marriage provides the unique opportunity to save money on taxes by taking advantage of the "Married, Filing Jointly" status, it also provides the unique opportunity to spend a ton of money on things that you are only doing to appease your significant other. For guys this involves things like going wine tasting in Napa Valley and shopping in downtown New York. For girls this could be attending a football game featuring the NFC West's two worst teams or going to a Wu Tang Clan concert.
Not only are these things all very expensive, they also force you to spend extended periods of time engaging in activities that you have absolutely no interest in and will not enjoy doing.
Beyond having to drop thousands of dollars to do things that you would never do if you did not foolishly sacrifice your life in the service of your spouse, you also have to commit yourself to a lasting relationship with a person who is going to change throughout his or her life.
Your spouse is not going to be the same person in 40 years that he or she is today, and who can know if you will like who your spouse is in 40 years? When you look at marriage in this light, it's not too surprising that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.
Speaking of divorce, why risk having to go through it? Why risk giving all of yourself to someone when you know that there is a good chance that he or she will end up ripping your heart out and stomping all over it like a bull on a rodeo clown? There is no telling when your significant other might get over you, start feeding you a mountain of lies and go behind your back with some other hottie.
If you manage to avoid marriage, you can also enjoy the freedom to do whatever you want. If you want to get a new job in a different city, then you can do it without having to ensure your spouse is able to find a new job. If you want to laze around the house all weekend wearing sweats and eating giant bowls of cereal for three meals a day, then you can do it without facing the wrath of your spouse. America was founded on freedom, but your freedom is severely limited if you choose to marry.
When it comes to marriage, the question that everyone should ask themselves is: Do you really want to spend your entire life with a person who is going to change unpredictably and who forces you to waste your money on things you have no interest in, while you hope and pray that they don't shatter your heart into a million tiny pieces? I sure don't. I'll live my life without worrying about how some girl is going to affect my well-being. I will do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it, and not worry about how my wife is going to react. In the words of OneRepublic, "Oh, this has gotta be the good life."
John:
The luxury of a single life presented by Tony DiTommaso is almost too appealing to contradict, but I've got a $4 paycheck courtesy of Student Publications riding on my completion of this article, so I'll do my best.
I'll get right into it. Tony very intelligently pointed out that filing taxes as a couple saves both people money, but he failed to realize that those "things that you are only doing to appease your significant other" can be paid for by — shocker — your significant other. While yes, it is nearly impossible to imagine that both a man and a woman can hold his or her own job in this day and age, if a woman wants to go wine tasting in Napa Valley or out to an unnecessarily expensive dinner, she can whip out the Visa and pay for it herself.
Tony also pointed out the fact that the person you marry will undoubtedly change in the course of 40 years. I'll be honest: The prospect of spending every day for 40 years with the same, static person is about as appealing to me as living with a goldfish in the middle of the Gobi desert for the same amount of time.
A part of any relationship, not just marriage, is going through ups and downs with another person. Plus, if you make it through the changes, there are a myriad of perks that accompany the fellowship:
1) Longer life — Study after study has shown that married people live longer. While Tony will be at a higher risk for death by infectious disease in his lonely life, I will be enjoying a lower risk for heart disease and about half the chance of dying accidentally as him.
2) More sex (yep, we're going there). Besides the obvious advantages to more sex, it also means a healthier life, both emotionally and physically. Sex decreases stress, decreases depression and increases self-esteem. It also improves digestion, encourages better sleep and can be a solid workout.
3) Kids — There isn't a much better platform for raising children than a solid, long-term marriage.
It is hard to refute Tony regarding the risk of divorce in marriage — divorce is, in one word, terrifying. The only thing I can say is that divorce is just a risk you run when getting married. Yet, it is one of those risks worth taking if you are willing to put in the time and effort to develop a marriage into a successful relationship.
Tony: Cool OneRepublic reference. Want to play the song game?
Here you go: "Give a Little Bit of Your Love" to a "Crazy Girl." Marriage can be a "Bittersweet Symphony" but "In the End, It Doesn't Really Matter." "A Woman's Love" is "Magic, Like a Young Girl's Heart" so "Love Her Like a Love Song Baby," stop being "Young, Wild, and Free" and "Embrace the Martian" that is marriage.
I hope I earned that $4. If not, I'll find another way, because "I'm Sexy and I Know it."
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