Dear lovely Zags, it’s that time of the year. Again.
Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching as it’s rather unfortunately a recurring holiday, and while there is nothing us mere mortals can do to delete Feb. 14 off our calendars, we can certainly collectively trash on it.
Before Cupid loyalists can say anything, yes, I am aware that at this point hating on Valentine’s Day is probably more cliché than actually celebrating its annual arrival, but we all do what we have to do to stay sane during this season of unrequited love and disappointment.
For all the single, broken-hearted and bitter individuals out there I hear you and invite you all to fall head-over-heels for this brief love letter detailing reasons V-Day sucks. It’s seriously therapeutic.
It is only fitting to begin this hate piece by exposing the most deceiving part of Valentine’s Day: the gifts.
Anyone who thinks Valentine’s Day is anything but a cash grab is kidding themselves. Whether or not you choose to believe it, that oh-so-sweet, soft and fluffy stuffed animal you received from your boo is not just a sad vehicle used to profess their love but also a thick slice of capitalist America.
It should be painfully obvious that spending a bunch of money on stuff that nobody really wants in the name of love is a scam; there is something seriously wrong with using a day allegedly meant to celebrate love as a cash grab.
2. Unhealthy propaganda
Valentine’s Day propaganda is single-handedly one of the biggest contributors to unrealistic perceptions of love. Measuring love through material items such as chocolate and flowers feeds into the belief that gift-giving and receiving equates to true love, which shocker, it does not. Putting intense pressure on your loved ones, and yourself at that, to prioritize meaningless material gestures is a toxic recipe for disaster.
3. It is lazy
Participating in Valentine’s Day lends to the assumption that it is OK to only be lovey-dovey one month out of the year when in reality, love should be cherished and celebrated year round.
If you only indulge in showering your significant other with love once a year, you are in all aspects a jerk. Sorry.
4. It is ostracizing to singles
It’s impossible to escape Valentine’s Day rituals. Once Feb. 1 hits, it is virtually impossible to escape obligatory couples Instagram posts, the wrath of $5 singing candy grams and unnecessarily extravagant aisles of Dove chocolates.
There is no reason singles have to feel unappreciated just because no one thought to spoil them with a $60 Edible Arrangement.
5. It’s kind of weird
Has anyone ever stopped to wonder why the face of V-Day is a baby who stalks people and shoots arrows at them wearing nothing but a diaper? How about the oddly obsessive conversation hearts that say “hug me” or “marry me” or “kiss me.” Or the fact that receiving gifts and heartfelt confessions from anonymous admirers on Valentine’s Day is totally not creepy when it would be undoubtedly criminal on a normal day?
Please, don’t kiss me.
6. Gender Stereotypes
Valentine’s Day perpetuates the idea that men must be dominant in relationships by unfairly making them responsible for all the celebratory aspects of the holiday.
Further, the gender stereotypes that inform V-Day make it incredibly marginalizing and confusing for the LGBTQ community. Being able to sit back and relax as your other half breaks their back, and the bank, trying to set up a perfectly romantic night is something everyone should be able to experience — regardless of gender.
If we must celebrate this god awful holiday, the least we can do is make it a little more fair and inclusive. Men deserve some loving, and maybe flowers, too.
Lastly, Valentine’s Day is annoying because of all the people who complain about it being annoying. Lonely guys, gals and singles I’m looking at you.
It’s a tough pill to swallow but almost all those who incessantly hate on Valentine’s Day would be lying to themselves if they said they wouldn’t participate in the cringey February festivities if they were in love or less touch deprived.
Doesn’t positing, or... um... writing a full article for The Gonzaga Bulletin, about how you don’t care about Valentine’s Day kind of imply that you do care?
All jokes aside, even though we all deserve to be loved 365 days of the year, and I applaud those who have someone special to celebrate Feb. 14 with. But for the rest of us, I say it is OK to complain.
XOXO, lonely girl.